As a HGV driver, Terry absolutely loved to drive, and he loved to critique each of us on our own driving ability. That’s what hit him the most about his illness. Shortly after he was diagnosed with Brain Tumour, Glioblastoma, he was told he could no longer drive, and that crushed him.
But it was a long and difficult road before we got to that stage.
We’d been on holiday to Croatia in September 2023 when he noticed that the room would spin when he was lying down. At this point, your thoughts don’t immediately go to brain tumour, of course they don’t. We both just assumed it was to do with his blood pressure or diabetes. But as we arrived home, he started with a few falls and then he had a small bump in his van. It’s only now that we realise each of these incidents were small seizures, linked to the tumour.
After numerous tests, he had an operation 13 October 2023, followed by six weeks of radiotherapy from November 2023, and chemotherapy tablets following this. This hit him hard. He contracted a terrible ear infection and had started to hallucinate as a result of the tumour.
Getting your head around him not coming back from this was difficult. You feel like you’re living a life where you know in your head what the end point is going to be – although you’re praying for a miracle – and your heart needs to catch up to reality.
But Terry never faltered. He was always a strong man, but I’ve never known the level of strength that I saw him show during those gruelling final months. He was upbeat and persistent, especially in front of his three grandchildren, who he absolutely adored. But that was my Terry, he knew he couldn’t sit there and let it get the better of him. He pushed through and continued for as long as he could.
But when it all began to get too much, that’s when the hospice stepped in. We were introduced to Katie through our Doctor, she visited us and began to care for Terry at home. She was amazing.
In truth, we didn’t know much about the services that the hospice provides. We assumed, like so many people, that the hospice was just a building that you went to when you were in your final stages of life. We had never even imagined that Terry could stay exactly where he felt the most comfortable, right up until the end. Some people might not want people coming into their home, but we knew that was right for Terry, and for our family. And that’s what is so good about the hospice – there are so many options.
We did visit the hospice, just in case Terry had to be admitted to the inpatient unit, and despite our apprehension, we found it to be lovely, welcoming and not depressing in the slightest.
Whilst losing Terry has been horrendous, everything was made so much easier by having the hospice on hand. Katie helped with physiotherapist and occupational health referrals and was with us up until the evening that we lost him, holding our hand and ensuring that Terry left us in the calmest environment that we could have given him. And that meant everything to all of us.
Terry would be made up that we’re sharing his story and helping other families to see that there is help out there and that hospice care is nothing to be feared.
We’ve already been to visit the hospice since losing Terry. Our son, Matthew, is using the counselling service – another service that we didn’t realise was offered until meeting Katie. Two of our granddaughters, Grace and Amelia, have also been to the “A Day to Remember” event, which was a lovely day and allowed the girls to speak about their grandad with other children who are experiencing grief.
What the hospice is offers is so unique – they offer wrap-around care that you can only really understand if you’ve experienced it. They meet you at your most vulnerable point and guide you through every step of the way, which was so important, for all of us. We hadn’t come across anything like this before, so to have that support from the day that we were referred, right up until now as we navigate grief, has been invaluable.
We’ll always support our hospice in memory of Terry, and we’re looking forward to being there during the Christmas period and having his light on the tree, to remember the strongest man we know.